Guys, it is important to remember that a dad is a discipler of his daughter. In that role we are to equip and train her on how to grow up to become a godly woman...one that exhibits high moral character and integrity. So many times we dads leave it up to the church or Sunday school to do this, when in fact her primary training should come from us. For those of you reading this blog who may not understand the word discipleship, I am using it from a Christian perspective. Discipleship is the intensely personal activity of two or more persons helping each other experience a growing relationship with God. The word disciple literally means A LEARNER and denotes "one who follows another's teaching". Your daughter is your disciple. She should be an imitator of you as her teacher. Setting a godly example is part of that discipleship process. The Bible says we are to "encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Dads, they are watching EVERYTHING we do...the way we treat their mother, how we treat and speak of our neighbors, the language we use in our home, the shows we watch on television, and the movies we rent and the list goes on and on. My teenage daughter is always asking my wife and I about the movies we rent and whether or not she can watch too. Most of the time, the kind of movies we watch are okay for her. However, trust me, if you are watching "R" rated movies in your home, your daughter knows it...especially your teenage daughter. Now guys, I know what you are thinking...hey, it's only "R" for violence, like a really cool war movie or action flick. I struggle with that one too sometimes, but in our home we have decided to simply draw a line in the sand that we don't cross. It makes it easier to live by that standard than having to justify to my daughter, one movie at a time, why we decided that particular "R" rated movie was okay. We don't do horror flicks and we even make a concerted effort not to bring home PG-13 movies that are sexual in nature. It's hard enough to raise girls that are pure and holy and moral so why would you ever want to invite evil into your home. Don't do it...take the lead in your home and just say no!
As fathers, we are watchmen and guardians over our home. We must not be asleep at the gates. It is so tempting when we get home from work to let our children come and go all around us, and not engage with them, leaving them to watch out for themselves. But we just can't...we are watchmen. We must get involved and not be aloof in the short few hours we spend each day at home. If you are married, don't leave it up to your wife to take care of all your daughter's needs. Serve your wife and help with the kids as much as you can. Daughters (and sons) are a gift from God and should be a blessing to your family. However, raising them is a total team effort between a husband and his wife. Anyway, as I was saying...it is vitally important that we pay attention to everything going on in our home and in the life of our daughter. Know who your daughter's friends are, ask her who she is talking to on the phone, listen to her music, protect your computers and block all inappropriate content, and know what she is watching on television. And once every now and then, you need to take her cellphone from her with no notice and read the things she is texting to her friends. Make no apologies either. Accountability is a really great thing for her. When she knows she is being watched, it helps keep her on the straight and narrow path. (By the way, it works that way for us guys too. If you don't currently have a spiritual mentor or discipler, find one!)
Let your daughter know what you believe in...she will generally follow your lead. I can't tell you how many times I made some political statement or comment about something only to hear it echoed back to me in the words of my daughter. The old saying, "if you don't believe in something, you will fall for anything" really applies here. I might even modify that a bit to say "if you, as her father, don't stand for something, your daughter may fall for anything". She is so vulnerable without you. Train her and equip her to know right from wrong, good from evil, and help her make good choices along the way. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."(Proverbs 3:7)
Guy,
ReplyDeleteExcellent lesson this week! Thank you again for taking the time to "disciple" those of us who are younger and more inexperienced when it comes to raising daughters. I have been really convicted of this very topic over the last few years, and it is nice to hear it confirmed from someone who has gone before me. It is my number one responsibility as a father to disciple my children! We all too often as men, especially around CBMC, run around quoting Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron so does one man sharpen another", forgetting that we need to also look to Psalm 127:3-4, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." We are called to use our "iron" to help sharpen other believers, but if we don't use our "iron" to shape and sharpen our little arrows at home then we are doing them a great disservice by sending them out into a tough world without a "point".
Again, thank you for your wisdom, I would encourage all of you fathers out there to take a look at these valuable lessons.
Dustin