My 13 year old daughter just told me she has a boyfriend...YIKES!!!

Okay guys, now we all know that the dreaded words out of our daughter's mouth no matter what her age is "Daddy, I have a boyfriend."  You know that is particularly tough because after all, we dads are generally our daughter's first true love.  We never dreamed of that day when we weren't "the one".


Having been through this with my first two oldest daughters, I already have a little experience in this area, but when my 13 year old (soon to be 14) told me about this new guy, I have to tell you that I didn't know exactly what to say.  I actually think I might have grunted at her...you know, to show my moderate displeasure.  I mean come on, she needs to know how "real" men deal with their feelings...right?  The truth is that I know it is a part of her development and growing up as a human being, but all of a sudden I found myself wanting to restrict her from everything.  In other words, make it clear that she does not have permission to do anything but eat, breathe and go to the bathroom without asking me or my wife.  Wait a minute, I forgot...those are the rules for my 10 and 5 year old daughters.  Oh well, it's the way I feel.  As you can imagine, it doesn't exactly work that way.  So the question really is...how do you speak to your daughter about this very awkward and new set of circumstances?  What do you say to her?  How do you begin the conversation?  How often do you allow her to talk with "the boy" and for how long each day?


Since this is all very recent news, I haven't yet met him.   My wife actually beat me to the punch because she sees "the boy" on a weekly basis at a school function.  She told him that I had several really BIG guns in our home, and nicknamed him "bullseye" which I thought was really appropriate.  But I will meet him very soon and have decided that I will simply address him as "bullseye" too.  I really like that name for him.  Very humbling to a young man all of 14 years of age.  It will remind him of what I am thinking every time I see him.  Truth of the matter, I hear he is a very nice young man. 


Okay, so I digress a bit.  I believe we were talking about the talk you will have with your daughter when she tells you she has a boyfriend.  I would say the best way to start a conversation with her is to ask her to tell you all about him.  Then say to her,  "Tell me why should I like him."  Then shut up and listen.  You are looking for some very key answers and they do NOT include he is cute or is really hot.  I remember growing up as a kid and being told that a good boy always believes in mom, apple pie, and the American way.  Seriously though, what you are hoping to hear her tell you is that he has high morals and values; that he is honest; that he treats her with respect and is kind to her.  I also am listening for little hints about how he feels about his parents.  Does he genuinely speak well of them?  This gives me an idea of whether he is somewhat rebellious or not.  If she is ever around his family, does she see that he is kind to his mother and respectful to his dad.  That's another good sign that he might be a decent kid.  Bottom line though...there is no boy or young man good enough for my girls.  At least not till they are asking me for my daughter's hand in marriage...which better be a really long time from now!


Well there is so much more we could discuss, but I've got to go now...its' 10pm and I've got to go tell my daughter to get off the telephone.  She's talking to "the boy" again!