As we discussed last week, what do you do if your daughter does have a boyfriend or doesn't buy-in to not having boyfriends along the way? Can you still have a "no dating" policy in your home? Absolutely! I know that may sound strange, you know...allowing her to have a "boyfriend" and yet telling her she can't date. What I mean is that maybe you allow her and her boyfriend to talk on the phone, facebook each other, see each other at school, and at church youth activities where responsible adult leaders are around, etc. However, under no circumstances should they be allowed to go anywhere alone together...no exceptions! Let me say that again, NEVER allow them to be alone together!
Again, in our home we would prefer that they are just friends with guys and that they would preserve their heart for their future husband. However, if they still choose to have a boyfriend in their mid teen years (16-17), we might start allowing them to hang out with him in group settings where adults we trust and that share our values are always around. We would also encourage them to hang out with us in our home. That is the only way we can get to know their boyfriends well and know the kind of character he has...or lack thereof. In their later teen years, as they show maturity and responsibility, you might allow "group dating", where 3 or more couples go out together. Again, to prevent alone time, maybe the girls meet at one house and the guys pick them up there. Our hope is that our daughters would see what a protection this is for them, and be wise enough to hold to this way of dating until marriage.
Maybe you don't agree with this philosophy, and think that dating is fine for your daughter. Here's a thought...a few years ago I read a book by Jim Talley and Bobbie Reed called "Too Close Too Soon". In it, their studies show that if a couple spends enough time together (something like 300 hours) the inevitable outcome if they remain together (even a couple with high moral standards) is sexual intimacy. This builds a great case against long dating relationships, starting to date too early, or even having too long an engagement before marriage. So when your daughter is way too young to marry, how can you help protect her from getting "too close too soon"? One answer might simply lie in limiting on a daily basis the amount of time you allow your daughter to communicate with and spend time with a boyfriend. I know that is very difficult, but how much do you love your daughter? The other way, as already mentioned above, might be a "no dating" policy in your home. The choice is yours. Either way, we as fathers and in agreement with our wives, must establish boundaries and rules for our daughters in our homes. Dads, whatever you choose, BE INVOLVED! My daughters might think I am overprotective at times and I am okay with that. At least they know I love them.
I know these thoughts may be very controversial to you, but they definitely should give you something to think about when it comes to creating the standards you want to have in your home. Whether you agree or not, I genuinely would love to hear from you and get your feedback.
Have a great week!!!
I like the concept but it would take an act of God to make the changes for my family.
ReplyDeleteRight now I have enough trouble just keeping up with what my daughters do.
God is in control of there lives though. I trust him to direct them in every step.
I have two daughters, 16 and 19.
When you have a daughter that is wanting a boyfriend, putting the restriction of not seeing each other alone other than school, facebook, myspace and on the phone is not enough. I believe you must give full confidence in your daughter to make the right choices. Otherwise she will go behind your back anyway.
ReplyDeleteIf there is a no dating policy, I would say there should be a no flirting policy also. I say this, because meeting at school and talking on the phone is just opening the door to more interest.
Really, the only way to keep your daughter pure is to teach her right from wrong and pray to God that she does what is right.
There must be a relationship with someone to fill there need. A closer relationship with our daughters is what will keep them from getting into "too much" trouble.